"For My Own Sake"

I’ve entertained special visitors this week. A modern day Mary Poppins, a cleaning angel who is mature in years, and a he-woman grocery shopper. I can either be grateful for their service unto the Lord or wallow in self-pity at what I cannot do for myself, nor am I able to reciprocate the good deeds.

However, I’ve been meditating on these words of life for weeks now and God is getting my attention:

I am the LORD your God,
Who teaches you to profit,
[ESV study note: misplaced values are idols]
Who leads you in the way to go.
Oh, that you had paid attention to my commandments!
Then your peace would have been like a river,
and your righteousness like the waves of the sea.
Isaiah 48: 17b-18

A misplaced value…
what I find my significance in when I feel worthless…..
my sense of purpose from the world‘s perspective….
ARE idols according to God and do not profit.

My Idol:
I want to feel like I can contribute to the lives of those around me. The contributions must be tangible in things I can do: keep my house clean, manage the budget, grocery shop and cook good meals, write napkin notes in my kids’ homemade lunches daily, welcome them home with a smile, motivate them to excellence in accomplishing homework and being patient when they struggle, welcome my husband home with a serene home environment (house clean, kids happy, dinner ready), and be available to meet the needs of others in the church as well, etc. The driving motivator is a faulty belief in “what I do makes me worth something to my family, to my church, to my community, etc.”

God’s Methods of Teaching Me:
Poor health and an added injury have challenged my unprofitable purpose for living. As I’ve been meditating on the passage in Isaiah, I have discovered that my value or my significance in what I can do is misplaced.

Lucy Pevensie, the youngest child in the Chronicles of Narnia (by C.S. Lewis) misjudged her significance as well in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. She believed the world’s lie that to be worthwhile you have to be beautiful. In the recent movie version of the story, I love how the screenwriter crafted the confrontation of Lucy’s vanity. Aslan doesn’t chide her for her desire to be pretty. But he does go to the heart of the issue by telling her, “You doubt your value.” He goes on to point out his perspective on her worth. God’s perspective on my purpose for living is what I need.

God has continued to allow an injury to linger and healing to be slow. I trust Him to use this for my good and for his glory. Another Isaiah passage I’ve held onto in the midst of this is:

Behold, I have refined you but not as silver;
I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.
For my own sake, for my own sake, I do it,
For how should my name be profaned?
My glory I will not give to another.
Isaiah 48:10 -11

This past week has been an intense furnace of affliction. He is bringing the dross of my pride to the surface; the idol of my misplaced value. For His own sake, for his own glory, he is skimming it off.

He wants to lead me in the way I should go, in the way that will profit. If I follow I will find peace like a river and righteousness like the waves of the sea.

So, rather than insist that I make dinner for my Mary Poppins, her two kids, and my two kids; I graciously thanked her for offering to bring a pizza in. That allowed me time to rest my neck muscles so they could endure the later hours of the evening. A date with my husband: to dinner at the expense of another servant of the Lord and then to hear the Oregon Symphony was amazingly with little to no pain. Peace is flowing like a river.

On Sunday I was given the offer by a retired lady to come and clean my house, knowing that I can’t right now. My husband has been doing most of this housework but the stress of this has kept him from accomplishing his other jobs. I knew I needed to humbly submit to God’s provision. She came with homemade goodies in hand on Thursday. I had horrendous pain with a headache that day. I rested and even slept while she cleaned. With slowly failing eyesight, she gave to the Lord what she could, while she still has the gift of vision. My pain and my needs gave her that chance.

Finally, on Friday I had a fellow pastor’s wife help me by going grocery shopping with me. The pushing of the cart, and loading of the groceries in bags as well as to the car, are tasks I’m unable to do without risking re-injuring my weak neck. She provided her time and her encouragement. Again, my husband had been doing this errand with me in recent previous weeks. Accepting this friend’s help was helping my husband, which has helped the church (letting the pastor rest before a busy Sunday is a good thing).


True Value Found:

Your hands have fashioned me;
Give me understanding that I may learn your commandments.

Those who fear you shall see me and rejoice,
because I have hoped in your word.

I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous,
and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.

Let your steadfast love comfort me
according to your promise to your servant.

Let your mercy come to me that I may live;
for your law is my delight.
Psalm 119:74-78

If God’s hands have fashioned me, then I know He has intended my body to remain as it is. A broken vessel I may be but He has used my needy circumstances to humble me and provide opportunities of service. The ladies that served my family this week did it for the Lord. As I cannot reciprocate, their reward is in a place where moth and rust cannot destroy. I don’t want to take that away from them.

God has also reminded me that my role as a pastor’s wife and a mother of two cannot be replaced. My nurturing presence and supportive ear still remains in a broken body.

If I let God lead me to what’s truly profitable, then peace comes like a river and righteousness like the waves of the sea. This requires me to acknowledge an idol that needs to be removed: my belief that my significance comes from what I can do instead of what he’s making me to be. But following his lead does produce peace because the pressure to perform is gone, pride in my life is uprooted, and his righteousness replaces it in the form of humility.

God’s steadfast love, tender mercy, and words of life have helped to displace the idol. My pride has been uprooted and his righteousness is like the waves of the sea. To walk humbly before Him is to allow him to fashion me as He will. My desire is to bring Him glory, show off His great worth…..He is the only own who is worthy.