Christians Never Say Goodbye

"A friend is someone how knows the song in your heart and sings it back to you when you have forgotten how it goes."

~ D. Roberts

A separation is about to take place between a dear, cherished friend and myself. The wide expanse of the Atlantic Ocean and the breadth of two continents will come between us. While taking into account the differing time zones, we anticipate some webcam/skype appointments. It will be good to catch up a little but our lives are diverging and things will never be the same. Our uninterrupted conversations at the The Tea Zone will be sorely missed.

We met in a small group, a Community Life Group that was put together by the staff at our church. People who live fairly close together were set up to meet in a home during the week to study the Bible, pray for one another, and just do life together.

We hosted and originally led the group in our home. It was a little crazy because the kids came too. We kept them in the back family room/kitchen area and the adults met behind glass-paned French doors in the living room. Birsen came with her two year old who would sit just behind the doors, longing to be with her parents. My kids did all they could to coax little Lucia to come and play with them. Her Mommy (pregnant with their son) would often sit on the carpet, just on the other side of the doors. She would go to her daughter when the wails reached a certain volume.

What attracted me to Birsen that led me to pursue her by taking evening “Mommy Breaks” at a coffee shop, was her unique perspective on life that was primarily due to her background. She comes from a Turkish father and an Italian mother who raised her in Switzerland. She lived in Canada for a time and married an American. She speaks Italian in her home. Her children are bilingual and are now working on a third language to move back to Switzerland. Her home has an open door policy that welcomes drop in visits and any foreigners who now live in America gravitated toward this family. She knows how to make anyone feel right at home.

She spoke my love language of quality time (5 Love Languages). We got together on Friday nights to go to Starbucks for coffee or tea and a very long talk.

Initially, I did most of the talking and Birsen loved asking questions that would take the conversation deeper into what she was interested in regarding spiritual growth, theology, parenting, marriage, and general life stuff. With time and discipline to hold my tongue, I was able to draw her out and hear her unique story of how she came to know the Lord and met and married Gunnar.

The following year my health deteriorated and I was eventually diagnosed with fibromyalgia. We had to ask others to host the group. This family did it. The leadership of the group was eventually passed to this couple as well. Even though ministry and health related issues took us out of attending the weekly small group, Birsen and I continued getting together.

The memories of play dates, barbecues and birthdays, watching 4th of July fireworks, tea parties, and our “Mommy Breaks” are held dear. Birsen worked around my health limitations to try to still get together. Her willingness to do extra work so that we could still have that quality time spoke of her appreciation of our friendship.

Commissioning Dedication At Good Shepherd Community Church
September 2006

As our family began a life transition from the church we met at to another my Birsen was able to carry the burden with me. She listened through the my struggles of letting go and being ready for a greater ministry opportunity.

Once we moved from the east suburbs of Portland to the west suburbs, she proposed we meet downtown. The halfway point for us both was found at a charming and modern tea shop, The Tea Zone. She worked her schedule to fit mine when our times were at risk of having to give it up.

Our last Tea Zone appointment is set and I am wondering how you say, “See you until the next time we meet,” when it feels like a goodbye. In the book A Severe Mercy, the author had a special friendship with C. S. Lewis. On their last earthly meeting he said, "I shan't say goodbye. We'll meet again, here or --there....Christians never say goodbye!" Holding onto an eternal perspective is tough when the separation is bitter. Life on this earth is short and I may yet see her again before Christ returns.

Birsen’s perspective on church life, on doing community and feeling connected to one another has been an asset in my life. She would return from her 3 month stay in Switzerland full of the small village life and how the church there has such a closeness. But then she would realize the church there doesn’t have solid and deep biblical teaching like she experiences here. She wanted the best of both worlds. So do I. In her friendship, I feel like I've had a little of the best of both worlds, a foretaste Heaven.

She has often felt displaced, like she doesn’t belong anywhere. I’ve often told her that feeling is supposed to be in the hearts of all believers. We are strangers and aliens, sojourners in this world (Hebrews 11:13). The eternal kingdom, God’s New Heaven and New Earth will be the place that will finally feel like home. We will rejoice together there in a special way for the life experience we’ve walked together here on this broken and fallen world.