A Desire for the Gift or the Giver

Child Wrapping Presents by Jessie Wilcox Smith

Courtesy of All Posters. com

"A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover, as the love of the giver. He esteems the affection above the gift, and values every gift far below the Beloved."
~ Thomas A' Kempis in The Imitation of Christ

Have you ever noticed that the wishing and yearning for a gift tends to be sweeter than finally receiving it? My youngest just had a birthday. He began compiling a wish list of desired birthday presents right after the novelty of his Christmas gifts wore off around January 1st! The anticipation of something new creates an unrealistic expectation. Nothing can measure up to what we want it to be.

"If people find such an approach to life deeply fulfilling, if when lying awake alone in bed at night they feel not the slightest urge to ask, 'Is that all there is?' then they have their answer. But, though they hardly ever dare to be vulnerable enough to admit it, there is something deep within that remains empty for all that matter can do; when they do look at humanity long and hard and honestly from the inside, they are forced to admit that the material and temporal can titillate and entertain, can distract life from pain for awhile but cannot justify its existence," writes Donald T. Williams in Mere Humanity.

A segment of Christianity has done much the same thing: seeking material things to be happy but bringing God into the equation. My preaching husband calls it:

"Genie Christianity: If you rub Aladdin's lamp, out pops the genie and you get your wish. If you rub the Bible right, out pops Jesus and he gives you what you want. How do you rub the Bible? Well you tithe, read the Bible, pray, and live a moral life.

You may be thinking, 'I don't believe in that?' But what happens when the 'wheels fall off' in your life. Things go wrong: an incurable illness, a wayward child, a lost job, ...'I don't get this God. I study the Bible, I give, I go to church, I serve. I don't do it legalistically; it is genuine. I'm pursuing you!'

'So what is wrong? Are you trying to punish me?' This is a very normal reaction to have but we have to be careful. Because if we are not, we may have slipped into thinking that God is kind of like a genie. Or perhaps he's like the (very New Age-ish) idea of the Force in Star Wars. If I tap into God in just the right way I can manipulate Him to get what I want. And if I think I'm doing the right thing and bad things are happening I start to question it. We approach God as if he is electricity and our lives are like an appliance. If I plug myself into God, then good things happen. But God is not a genie, a force, or electricity.

If we are thinking biblically then we don't approach him or conceive of our faith in Christ as plugging into power that can be harnessed. We approach Him as a him, a person. The One who made us. The One, not a thing. The person who made us and loves us. The greatest Him in the universe who died to redeem us and who understands what suffering is in a broken world."

In Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard, Much Afraid thinks her life would be better if she didn't live in the Valley of Humiliation but in the high places found in the Kingdom of Love. She initially wanted the gift the Shepherd promised her, the hinds feet that will get her to the high places easily. The natural, human love growing in her heart declares a condition: I love you for what you can give or do for me. That is what prompted her to take the long and arduous journey so she could have what she thought would bring her happiness or fulfillment.

At the Grave on the Mountains, Much Afraid was asked to sacrifice her very desire. Sacrifice the promise for the hinds feet and pull out the natural, human love that was growing in her heart. Those were the very things that motivated her to begin the journey. All her hope relied upon them. However, she knew she would still have the Shepherd himself. She finally longed for the giver and not the gift.

We were made for the Giver. The enemy has distracted our focus to redefine happiness, purpose and fulfillment. But, if we are honest with ourselves stuff or even accomplishments according to the world's standards don't satisfy. We were made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) to commune with God and to find our purpose in His plan for the world. How does He (Isaiah 64:8; Romans 9:21) see me fitting in it?

When we begin to fall out of love for stuff and accomplishments, we can embrace the King of Love and Life. Only then will He be able to reveal Himself as our hearts desire. Much Afraid found that she could not tear the weed of the conditional love growing in her heart. The priest of the altar had to do it....the Shepherd himself did it. She had not the strength and she knew she would resist.

I'm resisting this process again. I believe I have identified a deeper significance issue in my heart. I know it doesn't satisfy but I can't tear it out. I have to allow myself to be bound to the altar, willingly bound so that Jesus can pull the lie out of the depths of my heart. The roots grow deep and it is painful to think of it being torn out. For true love to grow there....a love for my heart's real desire, for God himself with no conditions on what He will do for me or what He can give me. That weed must be pulled.

The weed seems to survive in chapped and unfulfilled ground. Much like the weeds that grow in the crevices in the sidewalk. Roots go so deep, they manage to find some earth underneath and what little rain water falls there is enough to flourish in. So, just one little thought towards longing and wishes or expectations of what I thought life would be like in this season is enough for such a weed to take root. I have to stop those thoughts at the door of my mind.

"The beginning of all temptation is an unstable mind and lack of trust in God. We often do not know what we can bear, but temptation reveals our true nature. We need especially to be on our guard at the very onset of temptation, for then the Enemy may be more easily overcome, if he is not allowed to enter the gates of the mind: he must be repulsed at the threshold, as soon as he knocks," Thomas A' Kempis in The Imitation of Christ.

How is this a temptation? It is a temptation to believe the lie that my thoughts and plans for my life are better than God's. It is a temptation to put my way above God's, to put myself on my heart's throne rather than my Lord. To believe the lie of the enemy that he whispered to Eve in the garden. The lie that made her think God was holding out on her and that she would be better off deciding life for herself, independent from Him.

For me, the lie is a simple comparison of my life to another woman's life. Wishing I could do certain things she does or have more children like she has are the very thoughts I need to stop at my mind's door. For it is there that I become discontent with my lot and begin arguing with my Maker. Depression ensues and then a crippling effect. The Enemy wins by discouraging me from seeing the value in what God does have me doing and I then neglect it.

So, I pray:
My precious Savior, there is a weed that is growing back in my heart that I cannot pull out. I need you to do it. Bind me so that I will not falter or resist. I want to know You as my heart's desire, You alone. May my heart sing:

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Search me and try me, Master, today!
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,
As in Thy presence humbly I bow.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me, I pray!
Power, all power, surely is Thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Hold o’er my being absolute sway!
Fill with Thy Spirit ’till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me.