At Peace with My Lot

“Whether it be higher or lower, a prosperous or afflicted state: be content that Christ should both choose your work, and choose your condition; that he should have the command of you, and the disposal of you: make me what you will, Lord, and set me where you will…I put myself wholly into your hands: put me to what you will, rank me with whom you will; put me to doing, put me to suffering, let me be employed for you, or laid aside for you, exalted for you, or trodden under foot for you; let me be full, let me be empty, let me have all things, let me have nothing, I freely and heartily resign all to your pleasure and disposal.” ~ John Wesley, Covenant Renewal Service

To be happy with one's lot, especially if it is a low and debased state can feel like imprisonment. In his novel Little Dorrit, Charles Dickens deals with this theme. Amy Dorrit, the main character was born in a debtor's prison due to her father's mismanaging his wealth. Of all the members of the family, Amy is the only one who accepts her lot in life. As Dickens describes her,

"she was inspired to be something which was not what the rest were, and to be that something, different and laborious, for the sake of the rest. Inspired? Yes. Shall we speak of the inspiration of a poet or a priest, and not of the heart impelled by love and self-devotion to the lowliest work in the lowliest way of life!"

Dickens was a master painter with words. Little Dorrit's situation is a desperate one. She was allowed to come and go from the prison but the meals are not provided for and she had to find some work to feed herself and her father.

"No matter through what mistakes and discouragements, ...through how much weariness and hopelessness, and how many secret tears; she drudged on,...and bore in her own heart the anxieties and shames," writes Dickens.

I relate to her (even beyond the shared name) because I feel I have my own imprisonment in chronic pain. You have yours in any trial, grief, unemployment, emotional strain, etc. I feel limited in what I can do or be. This is where a choice in perspective takes place. I can choose to be bitter and beaten down like all the other characters in Little Dorrit who have personal imprisonments, or I can see it as a divinely chosen position.

My husband put together a week's study found at the Colson Center the fleshes out the Wesley quote above with many biblical passages and questions for further thought: The Prostrate Life. This study has taken me through passages that talk of Christ's headship (Col. 1:15-18), that describe Peter's struggle in comparing his lot of suffering to another disciple's (John 21:18-22), another that showcases Job's attitude toward his stripped status (Job 1:20-21), and a few more. If you are struggling in your perspective with where you find your life right now I'd encourage you to download and print the study. Take time with the passages and questions. God's Word has such a refining way of purging our hearts of the errors we hold onto and uplifting us to God's bigger plan.

My husband says in the study, "To follow Jesus means to submit to His authority as king, and to accept both good and bad, pleasure as well as pain." We have a tool in our house to help our children see the choices (Col. 3:5-17; Eph. 4:22-24) they make flow from their heart's throne. Jesus is either king there or I am. As children of the king we do not have to be enslaved by sin (Rom. 6:12-14; Col. 1:13-14). We can be servants or slave to a loving king (Rom. 6:18).

Where the enemy deceives us is that he makes it sound like we can be king of our own lives and be free from all enslavement. Romans 6:20 actually shows us we are only free from restraining our sinful passions and having to live according to a moral standard. However, we are in bondage to those passions and ultimately to Satan. Jesus temptation to bow down to the Prince of the World had only two choices: Satan or his Heavenly Father (Luke 4:5-8). He couldn't be independent of the two realms and create his own kingdom. Our post-modern culture says to shake off all restraints is complete freedom. According to the Bible that is a lie. To make sure our children understand this: hidden at the back of the "Me" throne is a ball and chain that shows Satan is king. When we rebel we agree with the dominion of rebellion and become a servant to it's king.

There is a King of Love and Life that says, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it," (Matt. 16:24-25). My lot in those terms are just a down payment to finding life. But I know that true rest will not come until my Lord returns or takes me home.

"Without Him no one can understand or judge aright. But the man to whom all things are one, who refers everything to One, and who sees everything as in One, is enabled to remain steadfast in heart, and abide at peace with God," Thomas A' Kempis in The Imitation of Christ.

Lately, I've realized how I cannot even assess my own situation without God's insight and guidance. I try to refer everything that I am and do to the One on my heart's throne. To be God-centered in all things challenges me to pray John Wesley's prayer:

"I put myself wholly into your hands: put me to what you will, rank me with whom you will; put me to doing, put me to suffering, let me be employed for you, or laid aside for you, exalted for you, or trodden under foot for you; let me be full, let me be empty, let me have all things, let me have nothing, I freely and heartily resign all to your pleasure and disposal.”

When I first encountered this quote and prayer I was convicted in my unwillingness to be "laid aside" for God. I have felt just that, set aside to suffer. I have managed to maintain my priorities in working on my health so that I can minister to my husband and family. However, I have felt cut off from doing anything in the church for God's glory. Just when I could finally pray this prayer I began to see God bringing divine appointments of ministry. One time kind of touches that encourage individuals in the body of Christ.

There is a temptation though to define my significance for ministry outside the home. I've fallen prey to believing that lie before. God is glorified in me by simply being his child, bearing his image (Gen. 1:27), and enjoying him. Spurgeon said, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." The outflow of that satisfaction spills over into my home making, the support of my husband, and the rearing of my children. And if there is energy, health, and time left I will have some of Jesus to impart to others.

Edith Schaeffer said of the family,

"The family is like a door which has both a lock and hinges. The door will be locked to meet the needs of the family, fist the husband- wife relationship, then the relationships with the children. Then the door's hinges are open to welcome others in to be ministered to by the family," (What is a Family?).

This is a part of our family's mission statement. It keeps me focused on the priorities in my life. The lock is used more often than the hinges due to my health.

Lately, the hinges have had some extended use. God has swung the door open to welcome in an acquaintance that is seeking a deeper meaning out of life than the one the world defines which is shallow. He has opened the door to for my husband and I to walk with another family who has just lost mom and grandmother to cancer. He's brought a new widow to my tea table. He has allowed our family to minister to another ministry family in transition. Through email He has given me the opportunity to pray for a new mom of a special needs child that I can relate to. I'm amazed at these unique circumstances that have happened on a weekly basis and I've been able to balance the other priorities to do them.

However, after special moments of ministry I do feel depleted and in need of solace. Burdens shared with others can easily weigh me down and I can become ineffective in my primary role as wife, mother, and home maker. Thomas A' Kempis writes, "If it pleases you to hear the news of the world, you must always suffer disquiet of heart as a result." Such a heart needs the Shepherd's gentle guidance back to green pastures and clear waters (Psalm 23).

My soul is restored when I use my hinds' feet to leap up to the high places (Hab. 3:19). Such leaping does take some work and discipline. I've found that my computer is like a door to the news of the world: email, blogs, facebook status updates. The needs of others I cannot manage in the morning. I need to ascend to the high places and commune with the Shepherd to be filled with his love. Only then, will I have something that can spill over to refresh others.

The Water Song (in Hinds' Feet on High Places) is what the waterfall sings. It goes down to the Valley of Humiliation joyfully which puzzled Much Afraid because she was being called to the high places. This song is the inspiration to my blog. I'm now learning how to really live it:

Come, oh come - let us away,
Lower, lower every day,
Oh, joy it is to race
Down to find the lowest place.
This is the dearest law we know -
"It is happy to go low."
Sweetest urge and sweetest will,
"Let us go down lower still."

Hear the summons night and day
Calling us to come away.
From the heights we leap and flow
To the valleys down below.
Always answering to the call,
To the lowest place of all.
Sweetest urge and sweetest pain,
To go low and rise again.